Day 5: Eggs

Ode to the egg. A thing of beauty. So versatile. You can eat an egg in a million (ok maybe not LITERALLY) ways. Deviled, scrambled, over-easy, poached, sunnyside up, basted, shirred, soft-boiled, pickled, etc etc. So what now, vegan gods? What miracle couldst thou possibly possess that can stand up to the perfection that is the egg?

If you look at the shit you eat on a regular basis, almost every recipe calls for an egg. Mayonnaise: eggs or egg yolks with oil and other ingredients. Every decent pancake has an egg in the batter. The best cakes and cookies need eggs. Great pasta calls for eggs. And don't get me started on ranch dressing...

So what is a vegan to do? My parents actually went vegan for a period of time when I was in high school. I remember few decent dishes among really disturbing recipes. My mother, God bless her, tried her best to come up with a vegan egg substitute. It was fucking atrocious. Sorry Mommy. I love you. Don't hurt me. But tofu, crushed and wrung out of any moisture with turmeric added in for color does NOT resemble scrambled eggs in any way. 

I went to Clark's and was sorely disappointed that I didn't see anything remotely appealing or resembling an egg for that matter. (Edit: I actually found the exact product in this blog at Clark's the next day.) Feeling dejected, I went to Staters to pick up essentials for the family. Lo and behold, STATERS ACTUALLY CARRIES AN EGG SUBSTITUTE!!! 

This fucking miracle from the vegan deities, is MAGIC. And I mean MOTHER-FREAKING MAGIC. It scrambles like a damn egg! I mean it's expensive as all hell ($5.99 for 12 sad, baby ounces), but it's a HUGE breakthrough for vegans everywhere! The best thing about this concoction?!? It somehow TASTES like scrambled eggs.

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about this product. As a lover of all things eggie: duck eggs, salted eggs, quail eggs, quail egg shooters, fish eggs, eggs Benedict, egg drop soup... I am going to have to try putting this into every recipe I can think of. 

Started with an omelette and it came out FANTASTIC. I used a vegan butter with garlic and chives, then added fresh tarragon, scallions, dill, and Himalayan pink salt to taste. I also put a little vegan smoked gouda in it for that cheesiness everyone likes. I've gotta say, that if I didn't straight up tell you, I think you might be fooled. As a worshiper of Julia Child's philosophy on never having too much butter, especially in your eggs, this was pretty awesome.

Breakfast and weekend brunches don't look so sad anymore. I'll have to try putting this egg substitute in a cake or dessert or something. Man... that's gonna be a rough one. Usually, those recipes call for milk. And unfortunately, there are way too many milk substitutes. TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THIS: most of them are wretched. That aftertaste in many nut milks is fucking horrifying. But that's another topic for another blog post. Today, I'll leave you with my pretty vegan omelette picture and bid you adieu.