Day 4: Vegan Non-alcoholic Michelada AKA The Ultimate Oxymoron

Remember when I said I was also giving up booze for Lent? Yeah well, it doesn't mean I don't miss it. Especially when the weekend is winding down, and I'm thinking about kicking my feet up on the couch with a drink or three. 

You'd think that working in a bar as a cantankerous liquor pimp, would make it even harder to control the thirst for a wizened scotch. Well it can be difficult. I've got a 25 year old bottle of the good stuff that I've hidden away at home. Hey. Outta mind, outta sight! 

So what does one do, when you're missing the flavor of beer or a decent cocktail? Mocktail that shit up of course. But is that even possible? I mean, most mocktails are just mixers sans the liquor. Sad as fuck if you ask me. Sadder than me... passing the local donut shop yesterday, as the smell of freshly-made cream puffs hit the air. 

I figured I'd roll down to the grocery store and look for a decent non-alcoholic beer to make a Michelada with. Couldn't hurt. For those of you, whom have never ventured into the land of non-alcoholic beer, there is only ONE that has 0% alcohol. Even the O'douls, the non-alcoholic St Pauli, and non-alcoholic Becks all have a little under 0.5% alcohol in them. What's the big deal, you ask? Well shit. I mean if I'm gonna go vegan, then I might as well go booze free as much as possible. Go big or cry trying. 

Heineken seems to be the only one that makes a 0.0% non-alcoholic beer. Got a six pack of that to try it out. Then I figured I'd go get the ingredients to make a Michelada. The crappy part for me, is that I LIKE Clamato. I WANT Worcestershire in my damn drink. I want that happy seafoody taste mixed with tomato juice and copious amounts of hot sauce, to hit my palate. Make fun of me all you want. Bartending is an artform. A good Michelada can be your over priced bitch if you want it to be. It's the perfect pairing to the tacos I haven't figured out how to make vegan just yet, ok? 

Amid my whining, I slowly started to figure shit out. Yay me! V8 makes a spicy version. Started with that and started roaming the sauce aisle to doctor it up.

Then I started reading every bottle from the Worcestershire to the steak sauces. Annnddd GUESS WHAT?!?! A1 and Heinz 57 ARE VEGAN. YESSSS. Because I was losing hope. I bought both. And I also got a different hot sauce than the usual Frank's or Tabasco.

I put this stuff on everything. It's delicious. It's amazing in a Michelada. Grabbed some queen olives and Tajin too, for good measure. 

While the Heineken 0.0% alone, did nothing for me, the vegan-booze free, oxymoron of a  Michelada was on point. Incidentally, I'm not a big fan of Heineken in the first place, so perhaps I'm not the best judge. But I have to say, as I kicked my feet up on the couch, sipping my somewhat satisfying mocktail, my Saturday night didn't seem half bad...